I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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