Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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