the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
