haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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