guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize