i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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