i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
