Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
