I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize