He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
