You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
