Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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