sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
