my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
