I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
high people should be assigned attendants
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
