No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
