We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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