shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
