At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
