It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
