Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
