You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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