I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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