i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
