I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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