I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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