Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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