You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
