I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
