i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
handjob tips. give me some.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
