My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
