butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
