Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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