I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
