That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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