I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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