what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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