idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
