the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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