Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
