Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I need mimosas to revive my soul
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
