at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
