He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
