if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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