I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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