this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
