i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
