i just wanna soil my oats bro
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
