I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
