Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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