oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
