forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
too bad you live with your parents still
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
