Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
