Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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