Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Moan for me like Helen Keller
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
