then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize