It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
