life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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