Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
