the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
