you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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