We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
