glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
