did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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