K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize