he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
