I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Green mimosas i think yes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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