So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
