Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
