the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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