I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
