how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
