I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
