My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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