He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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