in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The power of my boobs compel you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
