Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
