there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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