That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize